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Showing posts from October, 2012

Wave of Light

Day 15: Wave of Light
Tonight I light this candle in memory of Gentry and Savannah, as well as the other families who have experienced the heart breaking loss of a baby.

Capture Your Grief: Days 13 & 14

Day 13: Signs
These cute ducks came up to us on our first visit to the cemetery. Now we see them often on our visits. They get close enough we could touch them, although I'm not brave enough to try. I like to think these are our girls just sitting with us on our visits.
And, of course, the S & G on the sidewalk in San Francisco.

Day 14: Community
I have found the best support from the blogging community. I appreciate all of you for making me feel almost normal & letting me know I'm not alone.

Capture Your Grief: Day 12

Day 12: Scent
The scent that reminds me of my girls is tomato soup. When I was pregnant I ate tomato soup & cheese crackers at least four times a week. Every time I see it or smell it, I think of being pregnant. Happy times.

Asking for Prayers

Please say a prayer for my cousin and her family. Her one day old baby boy, Tyler, passed away last night. There are just too many of us who know this pain, and it's something no mother should ever have to experience. My heart breaks for her, her husband, and her oldest son.

Day 11: Supportive Friends

Aside from my husband and my parents (who have been AMAZING), my best friend L has been a life saver in the last 7 months. She has listened to me talk out emotions, held me when I needed to cry, and has just been there for me. I know I can say exactly how I am feeling to her without the fear of being judged. I have had some pretty dark days and thoughts since February, and she has been by my side. She is expecting her second baby girl in December. I think we were both afraid it would affect our friendship. But, it hasn't. She is the one friend who hasn't shyed away from me, and she doesn't walk on eggshells around me. She released pink balloons in honor of my girls when she did her gender reveal photo. A time when I should have been furthest from her mind, she still thought of me. I don't know if she will ever know how thankful I am for her friendship.


Capture Your Grief: Days 9 & 10

Day 9:Special Place, a place that gives you peace

Of course one special place is the girls' place at the cemetery. When I go there, I like to just be quiet and still. I like to feel the way the sun warms my skin, or the way the wind brushes against me.There is something so serene about being there.

Relating to that, another special place is anywhere outside under a beautiful sky. I find myself looking to the sky a lot more in the last 7 months. It makes me feel closest to my girls. To quote Train, "When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me, and you make everything alright." My bed is another special place. It is here where I have cried most of my tears, alone and with Marty. It is where I have said the most prayers. It is where I can escape in my dreams.
Day 10: Symbol
Owls are the things that remind me of my girls. I had been looking at owl things for their nursery. I first used the owl on their "birth announcement". It really isn't …

Capture Your Grief: Days 4-8

Day 4: Most Treasured Item
My most treasured items are the photos I have of my girls, their hospital blankets, gowns, bracelets, and their footprints. These are things I prefer to keep private, so I will not be sharing a photo of these items.

Day 5: Memorial
This is a frame that hangs in our bedroom. It has photos of the girls' feet, their names, and the quote "There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world."


Day 6: What NOT to Say
Some people say the dumbest things to people when they have no experience in the given situation. Here are a few of those things I have experienced:

Day 7: What to Say
Here are suggestions on what to say:

Day 8: Jewelry This is a necklace I wear everyday. It has a heart, a G, & a S.


Capture Your Grief: Day 3

Day 3: Self Portrait After Loss
My first Mother's Day visiting the girls at the cemetery.

Capture Your Grief: Day 2

Day 2: Self Portrait Before Loss

This is a photo from our Christmas card session last year. I love how happy we look, caught in a moment of laughter. We talked a lot about how this would be our last card with just the two of us.
One year ago today was my first IVF injection. In some ways it seems like forever ago, and in others it feels like it was just a month ago. I read it now and think, if I had only known all that was to come. You can read it here.

Capture Your Grief: Day 1

Today is Day 1 of CarlyMarie's Capture Your Grief in honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss month.

Day 1 Photo: Sunrise Not exactly a beautiful sunrise today. It is cold and rainy.