As of tomorrow, we will be in month number 11 of trying to get pregnant. This has been such a frustrating time for me. I have always been able to work hard to achieve my goals, and this is something I have no control over. No matter how hard I work, it is not in my hands. We are on month two of Clomid plus Metformin - I have been given three months to try it. If after the third month we don't get pregnant, I will have to go to a specialist & probably begin shots. I am really struggling with knowing how far to take the treatments. I feel as though I could go through all the treatments in the world, and if God doesn't want it to happen, it won't. It is all in His hands & on His time. I also struggle because there are so many children in the world who need to be adopted by loving parents - maybe that is the plan God has in mind for us. But, since we have no way of knowing, I suppose I will continue on until I feel I no longer want to put my body through treatments. I pray that the decision I make will be the right ones. As Cinderella's fairy godmother said, "Even miracles take a little time."
Yesterday is the day I was due with Gentry and Savannah last year, July 18. I don't think I will forever get that date. Yesterday wasn't too bad, but this week has been tough. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard. Of course it doesn't help that there a lot of triggers surrounding me. Earlier this week I was walking through the office where two co-workers and an employee from another site were talking. The other employee, C, is expecting twin girls. The babies' dad isn't really in the picture, and C herself jokes about having someone else takes the babies and she'll visit on weekends. I know that she is only joking, but hearing that is like a punch to the gut. So anyway, I was walking down the hall this week I heard her mentioning that she needs to work on the girls' nursery. I ducked my head & walked to my office where I lost it. I mean sitting there sobbing lost it. That hasn't happened at work in a LONG time. Thank goodness I have my own off...
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