I have been fully anticipating July 18 to be a very hard date, my due date with Gentry & Savannah. But, I wasn't anticipating the entire month of July to be so hard. I have cried every single, I know it's only the 4th, but I haven't done this in awhile. Everything is making me cry - songs on the radio, commercials on tv, seeing babies, seeing pregnant women, facebook pregnancy announcements, going in the room that would have been the girls'. I feel so broken.
Yesterday is the day I was due with Gentry and Savannah last year, July 18. I don't think I will forever get that date. Yesterday wasn't too bad, but this week has been tough. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard. Of course it doesn't help that there a lot of triggers surrounding me. Earlier this week I was walking through the office where two co-workers and an employee from another site were talking. The other employee, C, is expecting twin girls. The babies' dad isn't really in the picture, and C herself jokes about having someone else takes the babies and she'll visit on weekends. I know that she is only joking, but hearing that is like a punch to the gut. So anyway, I was walking down the hall this week I heard her mentioning that she needs to work on the girls' nursery. I ducked my head & walked to my office where I lost it. I mean sitting there sobbing lost it. That hasn't happened at work in a LONG time. Thank goodness I have my own off...
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