Skip to main content

Decisions, decisions

We are still in the decision making process about what to do next. I am about 70% sure I don't want to do another FET, but don't want to say I have counted it out completely.

We have been researching adoption more and more. It is such a detailed process, I want to have most of my bases covered before we dive in to anything. It is an exciting, but intimidating process to think about!

We also haven't take surrogacy off of the table yet either. For us to pursue that, we would really have to find the right person. I don't know that I would want to use an agency, due to the cost. Oddly enough, today at the printer I was talking to my boss's assistant (T) about trying to decide what to do. She has mentioned trying to be a surrogate before, but today she told me she asked her son what his opinion is on it. Apparently, she is really serious about this. But, she is close to mid-40s and newly single after a divorce. I don't know if it's the right time in her life. I was talking to another co-worker about it, and she told me that T is dead serious about it because she has talked to the rest of the girls in the office about it. It would be an amazing gift, but again I don't know if the timing is right for her. (I know she is the one who brought it up, but don't think she is thinking about day to day life, just the end process of me being a mommy.)

Grief wise I have really been pretty well. I still miss my baby girls so much, but I have been feeling pretty good. Until the 4th of July. We went to Marty's family reunion that day, where I met a ton of people I had never seen before (big family). His mom introduced me to one if her cousins , and he told her it was time for grandchildren. Marty and I just said "one day". He went on and on about it and how he thought we should have twins. It took every ounce of strength in me not to shout "We already have twins!" But, not wanting to be socially awkward I just smiled and nodded. I wanted to fall down and cry right there. Those unexpected moments are what hurt the most.

So, for now we are praying on our options and clarity on which direction to go.

Written on my phone - apologize for any and all errors.


  1. I don't know why, but I feel like you should give the FET one more try. Thinking of you all (hugs).

  2. As I said in my last comment if you have any questions about the gestational carrier surrogate route let me know. I know its hard to want to trust just anyone to carry your baby but I also believe that if this lady is serious about it, it couldn't hurt to at least explore that option. There is a lot of steps to the process and sadly even if you do decide to se her the RE might allow you to either because of medical reasons or because she doesn't do well on her psyche eval. You will all need some sort of counseling on this and they might even decide this isn't the right time in her life.
    Whatever you decide I just hope it all works out:)
    Sucks about the twins comment:(

  3. My sweet strong friend... you're amazing for not losing it on that comment. Constantly praying for you guys!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Baby Sully

Fifteen days after my last blog post, you know the one 10 months ago, we were supposed to have a call with our adoption agency to hit pause and take a break. After 3 failed matches we needed time to heal before jumping back in. That day, November 14,  I was at work when our social worker's number popped up on my phone. I was in the middle of a work project so thought I would just call her back later. I was putting off having the call to go inactive as long as possible. Because as much as we needed to heal, my heart also broke at the thought of missing out on the baby that was meant to be ours. Less than 10 minutes later the agency number popped up, so I decided to answer and let them know we could chat later in the day. I was not expecting the words on the other end of the phone. "Ashley, we have a healthy baby boy who was born two days ago. He is ready to be discharged from the hospital, and his birth mom has chosen you to be his parents. If you want to proceed you need t

Finalization Day

Finalization day was so special for us, so we invited along one of my dearest friends who is also a photographer to capture the day. This friend has been there for us every step of the way, not only as a friend but also capturing our special moments. When the judge announced that he granted the adoption and name change to be officially Benton, I about lost it. That is until Benton let out the cutest squeal of excitement. I think he was excited it was official as well!  These pictures were too cute not to share. So, here are a few from finalization day!


Well guys, 8 weeks we were matched this time. But now we are back to being a waiting family. I honestly don't know where to start with this one. The last few days have been a whirlwind. On Tuesday (5 days ago) the birth mom texted that she was having contractions and going to the hospital. Being 28 weeks pregnant, I assumed it was Braxton Hicks. Not long after that text, less than hour, our agency called. I assumed they were just telling me the same news. Instead they were telling me they were going to send over the records from the birth mom's last two appointments, but also that there was a note on the records about there being a pregnancy complication related to the baby being at high risk for a lifelong disability/disabilities. The agency said to hold tight until she could get back to the doctor and go under more testing. Less than hour after that called, the birth mom's mom called me and said they couldn't stop contractions and she was dilated 7cm. Baby was com