Down That Forever Road

Today was my trial transfer and injection training. Wow, did it not feel real until this afternoon. The sonohystogram last week didn't make it feel real, even the trial transfer this morning didn't do it. It was having to stick myself with a needle today. I like to pride myself on being a very independent woman in terms of not needing help and being emotionally strong. Can I just tell you I cried like a baby today as I was holding the syringe in my hand. Every time I got ready to poke myself it would start again. The tears weren't a fear of the needle, but a release. A release of every emotion I have been feeling over the last 18 months of TTC. Who knew a tiny needle could provoke that response? We are really doing this, WOW!

It has been quite some time since I have updated this. Wow, so much has happened since my last post. We are still trying for a baby . . . after three attempts with clomid and 0 results, we were referred to a fertility specialist in April. After testing, we were told our only hope of becoming parents would be doing in vitro fertilization (IVF) with ICSI. This came as quite the shock - not quite what I was expecting. Not to mention, it comes with the nice price tag of $15,000. I felt as though my childhood dream of becoming a mom had been taken away from me in a 15 minute consultation. Yet I didn't cry until I got back to work after the appointment . . . when I started telling my co-workers, who are also some of my closest friends. Yes, I went back to work because I knew if I went home I would lose it. The doctor told us there was 4-5 month waiting list to do IVF, so if we wanted to do it this year we would need to make a decision soon. Luckily, my parents offered to pay for most