Down That Forever Road

We initially decided to do our second FET the week of September 17. However, after talking about it some more, we have decided to hop off the IVF roller coaster for awhile. Even though we want another baby more than anything in the world, it just doesn't make sense financially and physically to try again right now.  I think my body is so confused on what it is supposed to be doing that I want for it to figure itself out before we try again. It has been 9 years since I have had a period without being induced by birth control or some other hormone. And now, my body has decided it wants to have two cycles in one month - even while on birth control. I need to get this right before I can think it would be ok to try to get pregnant. I would hate to try another FET with my body this screwed up.  So for now the plan is to hold off any IVF plans until next year. Not to say that come October or so we won't be changing our minds if my body fixes itself and we have the funds. But, for...

Can I just say that I am the WORST decision maker of all time? Even after I make a decision I will second guess myself until whatever the decision was about has passed. This even occurs with lunch. =) But, right now Marty and I are trying to make a much bigger decision that what to eat for lunch. We are trying to decide whether to do another FET in the fall or if we want to wait a little longer, or even if we should use a gestational carrier. My doctor called the Monday after we found out our first FET failed. He seemed so perplexed as to why it didn't work. By all scientific standards everything was great - all of the medications had done their jobs to get my body ready and our embryo was grade A. He said he was just a frustrated as I was, so he is offering us a discount when we decide to try again. Our consolation prize, I guess. Part of me wants to do it again as soon as we can. How nice would it be to go through the holidays pregnant, just as I did last year. I think it would...

I have added this to the right of my posts, after realizing there was no concise place that told our journey of trying to become parents. This blog originally started out to chronicle our married life and life with babies, never intending it to be such a journey. But, here is what we have been through in the last 2+ years: 01/2009: We got married 03/2010: We decided to try to get pregnant 07/2010: I was diagnosed with PCOS, prescribed Metformin to help us TTC 01/2011: First failed Clomid cycle 02/2011: Second failed Clomid cycle 03/2011: Third failed Clomid cycle 04/2011: First appointment with RE 05/2011: Told that due to male factor infertility (in addition to my PCOS) IVF with ICSI was our only chance at getting pregnant 10/2011: First IVF cycle 11/2011: IVF cycle was a success, found out we were pregnant (with twins!) 02/2012: Lost both baby girls due to incompetent cervix 06/2012: First frozen embryo IVF cycle 

Yesterday we had our transfer. So now I am on bed rest until Saturday. Here's to hoping this embryo decides to hang around! Both embryos survived the thawing process, so they are able to refreeze the one we didn't transfer. Yay! The one we did transfer is a grade A, which is great! The last cycle my parents brought me Steak & Shake for lunch while I was on bed rest. Being superstitious, that's what I ate yesterday, down to the same banana milkshake! Today I am eating another meal I had last time too - a grilled chicken baked potato from McAlister's deli. Call me crazy, but I know it worked last time so why not try it again. On the note of crazy: I have had a cough for about a week. now, so every time I cough I cross my legs like I'm trying to hold the embryo in, ha! It was weird being back there yesterday. I had to tell quite a few people about the girls. Most assumed that since I was back so soon after last transfer that it didn't work. They were all gr...

Our frozen embryo transfer will next place a week from today on June 20!!! I can't believe it is so close. I am so excited.  I get to drop down from 8 vivelle patches to 4 starting tomorrow. I start my PIO (progesterone in oil) injections on Friday. Two days to get ready for those. Bruised butt cheeks here I come! I will be able to stop my Lupron shots in my stomach on Tuesday. I don't think an unorganized person could ever make it through an IVF cycle, so many dates, dosages, and instructions to keep up with. Crazy to think that in the time of a normal pregnancy I will have given birth and could possibly be pregnant again.

Let me just tell you, my stomach is looking hilarious right now! I have the leftover sticky stuff from my patches I have taken off (that stuff is just about impossible to get off). I have two patches on (will be 6 come Thursday). I wear band-aids over the patches because they peel if I don't. My shots leave red spots. And now thanks to my sweet baby girls, I have stretch marks. :) What a thing to see! Yet, it feels normal. I have worn patches and done shots for 5 of the last 9 months. Going through IVF sure changes what you thought was normal, not to mention your body.

On Friday we got the "week of" date for our frozen embryo transfer. It will be the week of June 18. Five short weeks away. I can't believe it will be so soon! I am excited to start, but also scared beyond belief. I am mentally psyching myself up for the shots that will start 2.5 weeks. I am going to set up an appointment with my regular OB/GYN to discuss the cerclage procedure, what bed rest is going to look like (how strict), and the decision of seeing a high risk OB doctor in conjunction to her. I want to have all of that knowledge before the transfer, so I can be as stress free as possible with all my ducks in a row. If this transfer takes, my cerclage stitch would be removed the week the girls were born, so it is possible we could end up with another February baby. I am praying with all my might that if this is what God wants us to do, we will have a healthy baby here in less than a year!