Monday, April 29, 2013

4 Days

This waiting period is the calmest I have ever been in my life. So calm in fact, it is starting to weird out me and Marty. I am the girl who frets, worries, and stresses over EVERYTHING! The two prior transfers I was Google happy with anything I felt was out of the norm. This time, not as much. I have googled a few things, like progesterone levels. But, I found nothing really.

Marty nicknamed our embryo Charlie Brown. I can't even remember how it came up, but it made me laugh so hard it has stuck. Every night he says good night to Charlie Brown and says he hopes Charlie is still there. He is a mess.

I have had some cramping off and on since the transfer, and a little spotting the day after. However, I am not looking much in to this. It could be implantation. But, it could also be from the transfer procedure itself. This weekend I had some pretty intense dizzy spells with nausea. I am going to chalk that one up to the PIO. I really hate that all of the medication side effects replicate early pregnancy symptoms. But, only 4 days until we find out for sure. I am trying so hard not to go buy a pregnancy test for everyday we have left. So far, so good. We will see if I can continue holding out. Come on, Friday!!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Transfer Day!

Today was transfer day. We were supposed to transfer two embryos, but only survived the thawing. So, we ended up only transferring the one. The doctor felt this was best anyway because of my high probability of twins. It makes me think the one embryo has a pretty good shot if he said that. Oh, and it hatched this morning, which is the next step in implantation. Grade wise, it is a 6BB. According to my google research this is good for a frozen embryo.

Unfortunately, my progesterone level was a bit low today. It was 21.4, and they like it to be 25 or more. So they increased my dosage of PIO a bit. I am trying to worry too much about that since it isn't extremely low. Again, google research says above 20 is usually good. Hopefully the increase in PIO will help us out.

Funny moment from today - we were in the transfer room with me in position, and the doctor said "3rd time. Ashley, I think I could give you a do it yourself kit at this point." He has such a dry sense of humor it tickled me.

Now we play the waiting game. Stick little embryo!!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

So Excited!!

I had my last lab and ultrasound before the transfer today. They said everything looks PERFECT! My uterine lining was measuring 10.2 and had the triple stripe - which is what they look for. This has never been mentioned to me before, so I don't know if that happened our previous two cycles. But, if that is what they are looking for it sounds good. We are officially scheduled for our transfer to take place next Wednesday, April 24. Woohoo! I am so excited!!!
Say lots of prayers for us; we are so close!

Monday, April 15, 2013


We made a lot of progress on future baby's room this weekend. We finally painted! We were able to pull out the girls' changing table and a small chest, and I LOVE the way it looks! We keep joking that now all we need is to be pregnant. I am sure our process sounds so out of order to everyone else, but it really helps me feel like we have a clean slate. And, just the fact that I was able to put the girls' changing table in their without a breakdown told me just how ready I am to try to have another baby. Anyway, here is how it turned out (there is another wall not pictured that the crib will go on):

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Babies on the Brain

The closer we are getting to our transfer date the more I daydream about future babies and the more I think about our baby girls. 

I enjoy letting myself getting hopeful. I have allowed myself to look at baby things online, especially on pinterest. I love collecting ideas for a nursery, looking at furniture, and bedding. These things get me so excited for our upcoming transfer.

Last night I had a dream I was at my OB/GYN to pick up a book and go to a class because I was entering my third trimester, and they required this of all patients. In the class were several old high school classmates who I haven't seen or talked to in years. But, as we were in the class I was freaking out because I realized I hadn't had an ultrasound the entire pregnancy. Now those of you who have been to a RE know how that would NEVER happen, but in my dream it did. 

It was a totally bizarre dream. I'm sure some of this had to do with the fact that my cousin and his wife had a baby yesterday, and a friend made their gender reveal on facebook yesterday. But still it left be waking up feeling hopeful. It would be AMAZING to get to the third trimester, and maybe this FET will get us there and allow us to bring home a healthy baby! 

With that, I also woke up thinking about our girls. It is funny how random memories will pop up . . . some happy, some sad. The one today was sad. I remembered waking up from a nap on the couch, either the day we came home from the hospital or the day after, and hearing a commotion. I barely opened my eyes to see what it was. It was Marty going up and down from the attic. I opened my eyes up enough to see what he was carrying, and it was all of the gear we had purchased for the girls . . . swings, bouncy seats, diapers, wipes, changing pad, changing pad cover, blankets, etc. And the things that weren't in boxes he put in drawers of a spare desk. I continued to lay there as if I was asleep, but tears rolled down my face watching this act of love. How hard it must have been for him to put these things away by himself, but he was trying to protect me. He knew how hard it was for me to come home from the hospital. I wanted to stay there as long as I could so that I didn't have to walk past all of the baby things and relive so many sweet moments we had shared at home dreaming of our twins and the life we would have with them. In fact, I would have been fine to never go back home. Still over a year later, it makes me cry thinking of watching him make those trips up and down the attic stairs. I love my sweet husband.

And, I hope that I can keep babies on my brain with a successful FET! 

Monday, April 8, 2013

God's Mercies

I was talking to a friend the other day, and she mentioned she saw something on Pinterest that reminded her of me. She couldn't remember exactly what it said, but it was something to the effect of sometimes God takes away things he has given you because they aren't part of the perfect plan He has. I told her I had thought about that with the girls. What if something more serious would have been wrong with them down the road, and losing them during pregnancy is His mercy on me - protecting from an even greater pain. I have no idea if that is the purpose behind our loss, but it has crossed my mind. She asked if it helps me to think of it that way. I told her that the biggest thing that has helped me along in the past year was a thought I had months ago.

We were sitting in church one Sunday, and they were talking about the crucifixion. The preacher mentioned how Jesus asked John to take care of his mother as he was dying on the cross. In that moment, something just clicked in my brain. God gave US His son so that we could have the promise of Heaven. Jesus's mother had to watch him be crucified on the cross. How could I be so selfish as to question God why he took my baby girls when he gave us His son for something so great? It took a lot to keep my composure in church that day. But that was a huge turning point for me. I am so thankful for God's love and His mercies.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

Friday, April 5, 2013


My period decided to show up today. Yay! Makes me feel much better about this cycle. But, I just had to share this text exchange between Marty & me this morning. Funny how infertility makes you become an open book, and funny how Marty now takes all of my "TMI". This just tickled me this morning, so I thought I would share.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Step 1

"Step 1" of this FET cycle is done. I did my first Lupron injection last night. Boy, did that make it real. I just about cried, not because of the shot, but because of the reality that we are REALLY going through with this again. It makes me excited, nervous, a touch sad, overall just emotional. I totally was not expecting to have a reaction. But now that the initial shot is over, I feel like it's just routine.

I do have one concern with this cycle, but the doctor's office didn't seem to think it was an issue. I had my first labwork done yesterday to check E2 levels. It was day 4 since my last birth control pill, meaning I should have started my period then. Today is day 5  and still no sign of a period. But, the nurse said my E2 level was low enough yesterday (32) that it was ok. I am trusting their advice, but I would feel better if my body reacted the way it should have. I have never had that happen after stopping BCP. I tried researching on Google, but didn't find much. But, again, I am going to trust the doctor.

I go back for another lab and ultrasound on April 17, so hopefully everything will look ok to still do the transfer the next week. If all goes well, we are 3 weeks out from our transfer. So exciting!!

The first shot is done! Yay!