Down That Forever Road

The waiting game is killing me. I feel like a little kid waiting to open presents on Christmas. I thought going back to work on Thursday would help, but it hasn't. In fact it may be worse because everyone keeps asking how I am feeling, where at home I can lose myself in a book or tv. I do, however, work with some of the best girls. I came back to find some silly drawings and notes on my calendar, including a chicken sitting on 23 eggs on retrieval day :) The doctor seems pretty optimistic about it working, but I am trying to not get my hopes up too much. He said there is a 68% chance of getting pregnant and a 60% chance for twins. We ended up with 6 frozen blastocysts, which is great for options in the future - if it works or doesn't. For now, we wait.

This morning was our transfer. What an indescribably exciting day!! We transferred two blastocysts (photo below) and have two that were frozen today. We have 5 others that they are going to watch over the next few days, so we could end up with 7 frozen blastocysts. Wow! Now it's a waiting game. Prayers for implantation. PS - We are probably the only people who take photos of ourselves in a surgery center.

We now have six 8 cell embryos that are at or above average. Sounds like good news. Transfer will take place on Monday! I am finally starting to feel a little better after the retrieval. Still bloated, but I can move a little better now. Go figure, just in time to go on bed rest for 72 hours. I am going stir crazy! I miss work and enjoying the pretty fall weather! Just reminding myself it will be worth it in the end :) Positive thoughts!

All 12 fertilized eggs have become embryos. 11 of the 12 have become 4 cell embryos and 1 is 2 cell. Of the 11 that have 4 cells, 7 of them are grade 1 (highest), 4 are grade 2 (still good). Looks like we should be having a day 5 transfer on Monday. Things are looking good!! Feeling quite blessed and happy with how things are going!

The doctor called this morning with an update. Of the 23 eggs they were able to retrieve, 19 were mature. From the 19, we have 12 that fertilized. Tomorrow we will find out how many have divided and will be able to be transferred. I am praying that we have enough to transfer and also freeze. Things seem to be looking good. Let's hope it continues that way.

Retrieval was today. I was so nervous going in, but there are great people working at the surgery center who helped keep me in good spirits. However, I was not prepared for the pain after the retrieval. I am staying off my feet, but can't seem to get comfortable in the bed or on the couch. I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end. As one of my friends said, it is just preparing me for labor pains. :) They were able to retrieve 23 eggs today. Now we just wait for the embryologist to call and update us on how they are progressing. Prayers going up. Fingers and toes crossed.

I think today will be my last day of stimming. After my bloodwork and ultrasound yesterday, they said they think retrieval will take place on Wednesday (!!!!). I will find out for sure tomorrow. I know my stomach that has become a landscape of bruises would be thankful. So would my ovaries. They are so swollen right now it hurts to do pretty much anything . . . walk, drive (over bumps), clean, sneeze, cook . . . you name it, it hurts. When I went for the ultrasound yesterday, the nurse was having trouble even seeing my uterus because of all the follicles. It's a good problem to have, but I am so ready for them to go back to "normal". I will say though, this whole process has not been nearly as bad as I thought going in. I still have a ways to go, but I have realized I am much stronger than I thought I could ever be. My husband tells me I am doing way better than he imagined. He thought for sure I would be whining every night before my injecions. I can say this has only

On my way home today I was sitting in rush hour traffic, with a killer headache thanks to Lupron, thinking how I am only nine shots in to the IVF process and already so over them. Then a song came on my radio, Randy Houser's "In God's Time". This is a song that has gotten me through this journey. The very first time I heard it, I stopped breathing. The third verse and chorus were word I needed to hear, both the first time I heard it and today. "And in God's time You'll finally get the chance to hold your baby girl And all the sudden everything'll make sense in this crazy world In God's time Oh, but no one knows Not you or me It might be tomorrow or it might never be Oh, but don't lose faith Put it in His hands 'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan Than you had in mind Miracles happen In God's time" There is a reason God has me going through IVF, even though I don't know what it is now, in God's time I will

Last night was my first real injection on my own. One down, many more to go! Thankfully my wonderful hubby was there to cheer me on and talk me through it. And also to document it with the camera. If all goes well, I want to be able to have photos of these milestones. The injection itself wasn't bad at all. Much easier this time than in the doctor's office.  Now as long as I can keep smiling and don't turn into a crazy, hormonal woman,  it's going to be ok. You want me to stick myself with this?! This first injection Thumbs up for it being over  - and painless Go Team :)

Today was my trial transfer and injection training. Wow, did it not feel real until this afternoon. The sonohystogram last week didn't make it feel real, even the trial transfer this morning didn't do it. It was having to stick myself with a needle today. I like to pride myself on being a very independent woman in terms of not needing help and being emotionally strong. Can I just tell you I cried like a baby today as I was holding the syringe in my hand. Every time I got ready to poke myself it would start again. The tears weren't a fear of the needle, but a release. A release of every emotion I have been feeling over the last 18 months of TTC. Who knew a tiny needle could provoke that response? We are really doing this, WOW!

It has been quite some time since I have updated this. Wow, so much has happened since my last post. We are still trying for a baby . . . after three attempts with clomid and 0 results, we were referred to a fertility specialist in April. After testing, we were told our only hope of becoming parents would be doing in vitro fertilization (IVF) with ICSI. This came as quite the shock - not quite what I was expecting. Not to mention, it comes with the nice price tag of $15,000. I felt as though my childhood dream of becoming a mom had been taken away from me in a 15 minute consultation. Yet I didn't cry until I got back to work after the appointment . . . when I started telling my co-workers, who are also some of my closest friends. Yes, I went back to work because I knew if I went home I would lose it. The doctor told us there was 4-5 month waiting list to do IVF, so if we wanted to do it this year we would need to make a decision soon. Luckily, my parents offered to pay for most

As I was uploading pictures for the last blog, I completely forgot about our trip to Spokane. Last month, Marty and I got the chance to fly with the University of Memphis men's basketball team to Spokane, WA for their game against Gonzaga. We flew on the team's private plane, stayed at the team hotel, and went to the game. It was the BEST TIME! The guys on the team & the coaches were great to be around. An amazing experience for two huge Tiger fans. Our team is now in the NCAA tournament, playing on Friday against the University of Arizona, so GO TIGERS GO ! Me & Coach Josh Pastner Boarding the Plane Game time!  Spokane, Steam Plant Grill  Courtside before the game

Marty and I just returned from an eight day vacation to Florida, which was much needed. We spent four days in Orlando and four in Redington Beach. While we were there we took in some sun, spring training baseball, and great seafood! Vacation is the best thing to take your mind off of everything. I was so busy doing nothing that I never thought about needing to get our taxes done or the fertility struggle. I just enjoyed those interrupted days with my husband and getting sunburnt!  

As of tomorrow, we will be in month number 11 of trying to get pregnant. This has been such a frustrating time for me. I have always been able to work hard to achieve my goals, and this is something I have no control over. No matter how hard I work, it is not in my hands. We are on month two of Clomid plus Metformin - I have been given three months to try it. If after the third month we don't get pregnant, I will have to go to a specialist & probably begin shots. I am really struggling with knowing how far to take the treatments. I feel as though I could go through all the treatments in the world, and if God doesn't want it to happen, it won't. It is all in His hands & on His time. I also struggle because there are so many children in the world who need to be adopted by loving parents - maybe that is the plan God has in mind for us. But, since we have no way of knowing, I suppose I will continue on until I feel I no longer want to put my body through treatments. I p