Skip to main content


Things have been CRAZY busy lately, I have been such a terrible blogger. We are in our busiest time of the year at work, with one person out on maternity leave and one more preparing to be on leave in a few weeks. In other words, I have been SLAMMED during the day trying to make sure we get everything done. Also work related, our company has a new partner, so a lot of rapid growth is anticipated. 

I mention the new partner and growth because it has thrown another wrench in to my baby decisions. Previously it had been decided that if  I were to do IVF and get pregnant again I would be allowed to work from home for the 28 weeks of bed rest. I had a feeling that with all of the company growth now anticipated that would change, and it has. They will still allow me to work from home, but with a slight job change, reduction in hours, and reduction in pay . . . like half the hours & pay. Marty and I had pretty much decided that we would try IVF one more time before seriously pursuing a gestational carrier. But now I am back to undecided. I think the cost of using my cousin and cost of going part time would just about even out. But if I go part time, there is no promise my current job would still be here for me after I returned. And, I just don't think I could afford part time pay with new baby expenses. I just don't know what to do.

Also going on right now, my mom is having some major health issues. I have never mentioned it before, but it seems as though she has early Alzheimer. While her MRIs have always come back fine, she is not. There are many times when I talk to her and she has no idea who my dad is, what her address is, her phone number, or any comprehension of what I am saying. She is only 59. Way too young to be going through this. The doctors have said it appears that depression makes her case worse. I believe it because she has been getting worse since the girls. She also had a stillborn daughter before I was born. My dad seems to think there are a lot of unresolved feelings and depression surrounding their loss, so after I loss the girls it brought all of those feelings back up. It hurts me so much to see her like this. Her mom also suffered from Alzheimer, and it eventually took her life. I don't want this for my mom, or dad. I know it is hard on him trying to take care of her. He himself is a quadriplegic, and has been my entire life. 

My mind and heart have both been weighed down this year with all of this going on. And it has really taken a toll on me. It is so hard to find a balance as well. I have so many people who need me and have expectations for me - work, Marty, my parents, my dog, my friends - and I have some major decisions that need to be made. I know this is all over the place, but I am STRESSED! 


  1. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My grandpa had Alzheimer's and it was a very hard thing to witness. I will keep her in my T&Ps. Also sorry to hear about the position your job has put you in. I hope you can come to the right decision for you and DH. GL!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Baby Sully

Fifteen days after my last blog post, you know the one 10 months ago, we were supposed to have a call with our adoption agency to hit pause and take a break. After 3 failed matches we needed time to heal before jumping back in.

That day, November 14,  I was at work when our social worker's number popped up on my phone. I was in the middle of a work project so thought I would just call her back later. I was putting off having the call to go inactive as long as possible. Because as much as we needed to heal, my heart also broke at the thought of missing out on the baby that was meant to be ours. Less than 10 minutes later the agency number popped up, so I decided to answer and let them know we could chat later in the day.

I was not expecting the words on the other end of the phone. "Ashley, we have a healthy baby boy who was born two days ago. He is ready to be discharged from the hospital, and his birth mom has chosen you to be his parents. If you want to proceed you need to g…

Finalization Day

Finalization day was so special for us, so we invited along one of my dearest friends who is also a photographer to capture the day. This friend has been there for us every step of the way, not only as a friend but also capturing our special moments.

When the judge announced that he granted the adoption and name change to be officially Benton, I about lost it. That is until Benton let out the cutest squeal of excitement. I think he was excited it was official as well! 
These pictures were too cute not to share. So, here are a few from finalization day!


Well guys, 8 weeks we were matched this time. But now we are back to being a waiting family. I honestly don't know where to start with this one. The last few days have been a whirlwind.

On Tuesday (5 days ago) the birth mom texted that she was having contractions and going to the hospital. Being 28 weeks pregnant, I assumed it was Braxton Hicks. Not long after that text, less than hour, our agency called. I assumed they were just telling me the same news. Instead they were telling me they were going to send over the records from the birth mom's last two appointments, but also that there was a note on the records about there being a pregnancy complication related to the baby being at high risk for a lifelong disability/disabilities. The agency said to hold tight until she could get back to the doctor and go under more testing.

Less than hour after that called, the birth mom's mom called me and said they couldn't stop contractions and she was dilated 7cm. Baby was coming…