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Due Date Anniversary

Yesterday is the day I was due with Gentry and Savannah last year, July 18. I don't think I will forever get that date.

Yesterday wasn't too bad, but this week has been tough. I wasn't expecting it to be so hard. Of course it doesn't help that there a lot of triggers surrounding me.

Earlier this week I was walking through the office where two co-workers and an employee from another site were talking. The other employee, C, is expecting twin girls. The babies' dad isn't really in the picture, and C herself jokes about having someone else takes the babies and she'll visit on weekends. I know that she is only joking, but hearing that is like a punch to the gut. So anyway, I was walking down the hall this week I heard her mentioning that she needs to work on the girls' nursery. I ducked my head & walked to my office where I lost it. I mean sitting there sobbing lost it. That hasn't happened at work in a LONG time. Thank goodness I have my own office.

Then today a company wide email went out from C telling us announcing an employee had a baby this morning, including a photo of the baby girl. And, one of my boss's wife had their baby about an hour ago. I am so happy for both of them, but it also makes me so sad.

This week I can't quit thinking about how my girls should be celebrating their first birthday, and I imagine what kind of theme I would have had. I wonder what they would look like, what their personalities would be like, & what their laughs would sound like. It is crazy to know that had everything gone right I would have two one year old daughters right now.

But, here I am trying so hard to let go of what "should be" so that we can move forward and try to figure out how we can get Savannah & Gentry a baby sibling.

I love you, S&G!

Comments

  1. RisaJuly 19, 2013 at 10:41 PM

    I want to hug you. I'm so sorry about your girls. Hope you are hanging in there, but allow yourself to have this time to grieve. Thinking about you dear.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Team HarriesJuly 20, 2013 at 11:48 AM

    hugs for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJuly 24, 2013 at 5:22 PM

    Sending you love <3

    ReplyDelete

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