I enjoy letting myself getting hopeful. I have allowed myself to look at baby things online, especially on pinterest. I love collecting ideas for a nursery, looking at furniture, and bedding. These things get me so excited for our upcoming transfer.
Last night I had a dream I was at my OB/GYN to pick up a book and go to a class because I was entering my third trimester, and they required this of all patients. In the class were several old high school classmates who I haven't seen or talked to in years. But, as we were in the class I was freaking out because I realized I hadn't had an ultrasound the entire pregnancy. Now those of you who have been to a RE know how that would NEVER happen, but in my dream it did.
It was a totally bizarre dream. I'm sure some of this had to do with the fact that my cousin and his wife had a baby yesterday, and a friend made their gender reveal on facebook yesterday. But still it left be waking up feeling hopeful. It would be AMAZING to get to the third trimester, and maybe this FET will get us there and allow us to bring home a healthy baby!
With that, I also woke up thinking about our girls. It is funny how random memories will pop up . . . some happy, some sad. The one today was sad. I remembered waking up from a nap on the couch, either the day we came home from the hospital or the day after, and hearing a commotion. I barely opened my eyes to see what it was. It was Marty going up and down from the attic. I opened my eyes up enough to see what he was carrying, and it was all of the gear we had purchased for the girls . . . swings, bouncy seats, diapers, wipes, changing pad, changing pad cover, blankets, etc. And the things that weren't in boxes he put in drawers of a spare desk. I continued to lay there as if I was asleep, but tears rolled down my face watching this act of love. How hard it must have been for him to put these things away by himself, but he was trying to protect me. He knew how hard it was for me to come home from the hospital. I wanted to stay there as long as I could so that I didn't have to walk past all of the baby things and relive so many sweet moments we had shared at home dreaming of our twins and the life we would have with them. In fact, I would have been fine to never go back home. Still over a year later, it makes me cry thinking of watching him make those trips up and down the attic stairs. I love my sweet husband.
And, I hope that I can keep babies on my brain with a successful FET!