1) I had a breakdown at the work Thanksgiving party. Everyone in the office had to go around and say what they are thankful for this year. As soon as my boss (President of the company) started his story I lost in. I am talking 30 seconds in to the story full on tears. He and his wife struggled with infertility for 9 years before they got pregnant with their son via IVF. And, this year they were blessed with a surprise pregnancy and another son, born in October. Through the last few years he has been someone I could talk to about our own infertility struggles. My first day back at work after losing the girls, he took me in his office and just cried and prayed with me. I work for a very special company where we are all like family. But, being that I was already having a "blue day", his sharing of their story just sent me over the edge. I couldn't hold the tears in. I had to get up and leave the room actually.
2) After said meltdown, my boss came to my office to talk. He asked me where we were in moving forward with trying again. He mentioned our previous conversation about how realistic it would be for me to work from home with future company growth. I told him at this point I didn't know what we were going to do because of the part time hours and pay issue. He told me not to worry about that, and the most important thing to him is that I carry another baby and get to experience motherhood. He said he would work out the pay issue, so that I would make very close to what I make now, if not the same. But, just let him know when we do make a decision.
3) I had a birthday. It was much harder than I anticipated. Lat year we had our first ultrasound the day before my birthday, and this year's mood was so different. I wasn't much in the celebration mood at all. But, Marty wasn't going to let me sit at home and be miserable (good husband). He had surprise dinner reservations for me . . .at a restaurant that required me wearing a dress, not my normal jeans. One of my birthday presents was the dress (see such a good husband). While the mood of this birthday was less celebratory than last year, it ended up being a good day. I am so lucky to be married to such a wonderful, caring man.
4) I had an appointment with our RE. I talked to him about the gestational carrier option vs me doing our second FET. His recommendation is for me to try IVF one more time before we move on to a carrier. He wants to transfer two embryos again, but it is totally up to me. And because we have talked about it several times, he would not make me terminate a baby if I were to get pregnant with twins again. But, after much deliberation, Marty and I have decided to only transfer one our next round. The possibility of getting pregnant with twins again is just too risky for me given the complications of my pregnancy with the girls. He thinks we could do the transfer around the first part of February, but I may wait another month or so after that. I am going to my regular OB/GYN soon just to get her opinion as well, but it looks like we are back in action on trying to have another baby!