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When I see it in Stone

After our visit to the cemetery this weekend, I received a call that the girls' headstone was in and installed. Today I went on my lunch break to see it and make sure they had arranged the flowers correctly. I am so glad the headstone is finally in - just in time for Christmas.

I was fine driving there, but as soon as I saw the headstone I started crying. To borrow a lyric from Miranda Lambert, "it really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone." It just hit me that this was really my daughters' resting place - not that I haven't been aware of that, but something about seeing it spelled out just hit harder. It was the first time I visited them by myself. I just kept telling them I love them and that I am sorry. I still have guilt that as their mommy I wasn't able to do anything to protect them or keep them alive. I love those babies so much. I can't believe it has almost been a year.

But, the headstone looks beautiful, and I am glad they finally have it instead of the temporary marker. 

Comments

  1. I know exactly what you are saying/feeling. It took me almost an entire year to do my son's stone, and the same thing happened to me as it did you. Once I saw his stone it's like it made it even more real, that this is where my baby is. Love to you and your girls and husband this Christmas.

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  2. Hi Ashley, I just started following you and I am so sorry for what you went through. I will be catching up on your previous posts, but just wanted to give you a virtual hug.

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