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When I see it in Stone

After our visit to the cemetery this weekend, I received a call that the girls' headstone was in and installed. Today I went on my lunch break to see it and make sure they had arranged the flowers correctly. I am so glad the headstone is finally in - just in time for Christmas.

I was fine driving there, but as soon as I saw the headstone I started crying. To borrow a lyric from Miranda Lambert, "it really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone." It just hit me that this was really my daughters' resting place - not that I haven't been aware of that, but something about seeing it spelled out just hit harder. It was the first time I visited them by myself. I just kept telling them I love them and that I am sorry. I still have guilt that as their mommy I wasn't able to do anything to protect them or keep them alive. I love those babies so much. I can't believe it has almost been a year.

But, the headstone looks beautiful, and I am glad they finally have it instead of the temporary marker. 

Comments

  1. BeckyDecember 21, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    I know exactly what you are saying/feeling. It took me almost an entire year to do my son's stone, and the same thing happened to me as it did you. Once I saw his stone it's like it made it even more real, that this is where my baby is. Love to you and your girls and husband this Christmas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. RisaDecember 27, 2012 at 12:15 PM

    Hi Ashley, I just started following you and I am so sorry for what you went through. I will be catching up on your previous posts, but just wanted to give you a virtual hug.

    ReplyDelete

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