I called the doctor this week, and it looks like our next FET will be the week of April 22. A short six weeks from now. There is so much I want to do before we actually do the transfer.
The biggest one being painting the future nursery. It is still the color it was when the house was built and we moved in. We never painted it when I was pregnant with the girls because I was waiting to find out the sex of the babies. But, this time around is different. Since I will be on bed rest beginning at 12 weeks, I want to get somethings done before I ever get pregnant so that I can have some part in setting up my child's room. It's those little things I won't be able to do on bed rest that I don't want to miss out on. So, we currently have about 40 shades of beige, brown, gray, and greige taped to the wall of the nursery along with some fabric samples. Even if I don't get pregnant with this FET, I feel like a fresh coat of paint will feel like a fresh start.
I would also like to lose 10 pounds (or more if possible). I am about 4 pounds heavier now than I was when I got pregnant, but have goal I would like to be at . . . wish me luck.
I honestly thought that after our vacation last week I would come back rested and mentally prepared to start IVF again, but currently I can't psych myself up for it. In part, I think it is because I wish I could just have my girls. It's another part fear. I am trying, and getting much better, at turning it all over to God. I know that if something were to happen in any future pregnancies there is nothing I can do to prevent it, other than not trying to get pregnant. I know the only way I am going to get through a future pregnancy is with faith, prayer, and worship. I can't live my life in fear of what could happen.
I have said it before, but I honestly believe this will be our last attempt. We are transferring two embryos this time (still weird to me how a doctor can change his recommendation so easily), which means we will have 3 left possibly for a gestational surrogate.
Please keep us in your prayers for the next few months and hope that FET #2 is a success.