Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The Right Direction

My box of meds came in last week! Seeing all of the medication and needles pretty much feels like normal life these days. I go in for my first lab appointment next week and will start my Lupron injections that day. I am psyching myself up for the first injection. I cut out all caffeine this week, as I have done the two previous cycles. I am a coffee lover, and I feel like giving it up is a bit harder this time. I am struggling to hold my eyes open. Totally worth it, I know. So here we are, no turning back!

I am feeling fairly optimistic about this cycle. Or at least more ready for it. I know looking back I wasn't ready to try again on our second cycle. I was still in SUPER grieving mode, dealing with a lot of guilt, and just not physically ready. This time I in a totally different state of mind. I still miss my babies and wish they were here so I wouldn't have to be going through another IVF cycle so soon, but I think I have accepted that this is what I need to do in order to move forward. I also know that if it doesn't work, I am in a place where I won't be crushed. Would I be sad and disappointed? Of course. But after all we have been through in the last year, it would be minimal in the "pain" category. I really feel like God has led me to this point. I had to work through a lot in the last year to get here, but I finally feel at peace about trying IVF again. Are there still anxieties and worries, of course. But like I said in a previous post, I am giving it all to God. It is out of my control.

We have made a little progress on painting what would be the nursery. And by little, I mean not much other than picking out the paint color. I have the mattress and box spring sold that were in that room, I am just waiting on the person to come get it. Then I still have to figure out what to do with the bed and frame (storage maybe), clean everything else out, and buy all of the painting supplies. But surely I can get that done in 4 weeks, right?! Still a lot to do. But for the first time in a long while I feel like we are moving in the right direction.

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