|My Brother and Dad|
|Me and My Brothers Years Ago|
Before the visit at the nursing home we went to lunch with my parents, oldest brother, his wife, my niece, a bunch of cousins, and aunts and uncles.But there we were at lunch with my one cousin who has twin boys, a glaring reminder of our twin girls missing from the family lunch. Another cousin who has a 3 year old, 1 year, and his wife expecting their third. A reminder of my infertility. There was my mom whose dementia was flaring up that day, breaking my heart because I miss being able to have a normal conversation with my mom. There was my cousin who lost her one day old son in October and who is now doing IVF to have another baby, my heart aches for her. All of these things were breaking my heart, yet the love I have for all of these people was holding it together. Reflecting on that on the drive home once again had me in tears, there I was being all sappy and emotional again.
Some times I am still taken by surprise when I have these emotional breakdowns. It's amazing how two little girls and infertility have changed me. I am not as strong as I thought I was before. I think it's a good thing. Because despite the sadness and weakness, I do love and laugh harder too.