Monday, July 8, 2013

Decisions, decisions

We are still in the decision making process about what to do next. I am about 70% sure I don't want to do another FET, but don't want to say I have counted it out completely.

We have been researching adoption more and more. It is such a detailed process, I want to have most of my bases covered before we dive in to anything. It is an exciting, but intimidating process to think about!

We also haven't take surrogacy off of the table yet either. For us to pursue that, we would really have to find the right person. I don't know that I would want to use an agency, due to the cost. Oddly enough, today at the printer I was talking to my boss's assistant (T) about trying to decide what to do. She has mentioned trying to be a surrogate before, but today she told me she asked her son what his opinion is on it. Apparently, she is really serious about this. But, she is close to mid-40s and newly single after a divorce. I don't know if it's the right time in her life. I was talking to another co-worker about it, and she told me that T is dead serious about it because she has talked to the rest of the girls in the office about it. It would be an amazing gift, but again I don't know if the timing is right for her. (I know she is the one who brought it up, but don't think she is thinking about day to day life, just the end process of me being a mommy.)

Grief wise I have really been pretty well. I still miss my baby girls so much, but I have been feeling pretty good. Until the 4th of July. We went to Marty's family reunion that day, where I met a ton of people I had never seen before (big family). His mom introduced me to one if her cousins , and he told her it was time for grandchildren. Marty and I just said "one day". He went on and on about it and how he thought we should have twins. It took every ounce of strength in me not to shout "We already have twins!" But, not wanting to be socially awkward I just smiled and nodded. I wanted to fall down and cry right there. Those unexpected moments are what hurt the most.

So, for now we are praying on our options and clarity on which direction to go.

Written on my phone - apologize for any and all errors.


  1. I don't know why, but I feel like you should give the FET one more try. Thinking of you all (hugs).

  2. As I said in my last comment if you have any questions about the gestational carrier surrogate route let me know. I know its hard to want to trust just anyone to carry your baby but I also believe that if this lady is serious about it, it couldn't hurt to at least explore that option. There is a lot of steps to the process and sadly even if you do decide to se her the RE might allow you to either because of medical reasons or because she doesn't do well on her psyche eval. You will all need some sort of counseling on this and they might even decide this isn't the right time in her life.
    Whatever you decide I just hope it all works out:)
    Sucks about the twins comment:(

  3. My sweet strong friend... you're amazing for not losing it on that comment. Constantly praying for you guys!