Sunday, March 4, 2012

Angel Babies

On Saturday, February 25th I started having terrible pains in my hips & lower abdomen, but I just chalked it up to growing pains and went on to work. We were having an autograph signing at one of our stores, so it was a busy day. As the day went on, the pain only got worse, almost crippling. I asked to leave work and called my husband. Upon hearing how much pain I was in, he immediately left work and called my parents. I stopped at my parents house because they only live 2 minutes from the store I was working at. My parents weren't there at the time, but they came home to check on me. My dad immediately called 911, just as I had a gush of blood. I knew something wasn't right, this was different from any bleeding I had ever experienced with the subchorionic. I just knew I was losing my babies.
Thankfully the fire station is only 5 blocks from my parents' house, so the ambulance arrived quickly. They immediately loaded me up an took me to the hospital.
The hospital hooked me up to a contraction monitor to see if that's what the pain was from, it was. I was in labor at 19 weeks, 3 days. I knew this wasn't good because if the babies were to be born, they were too early to be saved. When they took me back for an ultrasound, the tech asked 3 or 4 times if I was sure we were having twins because she only saw one baby - not good. After much searching, she found Baby A in my cervix with no heartbeat. We had already lost one of our babies.
Once they took me back to my room in the ER, they told me they had to wait on the doctor to come in. She explained that I would have to deliver Baby A, and they weren't sure what would happen to Baby B - it would be a wait and see. After about two hours in the ER, I was moved to labor and delivery. It was a place I didn't want to see for many more weeks, but there I was, knowing I had to deliver one of my babies and possibly lose the other too. At 11:29pm on 2/25 Baby A was born. An ultrasound after showed Baby B still bouncing around, so we prayed for a miracle.
After a sleepless night, I began experiencing the worst labor pain at 6:30am on 2/26. I was calling the nurses for more epidural, and it was taking forever for anyone to come. I knew Baby B was right there, so I called the nurses in, but there was no doctor. At 7:02am, Baby B was born (with no pain meds or assistance from nurses or a doctor). She was kicking when she came out, but did not make it for more than a minute.
In a short time span, we had lost both of our sweet girls - Gentry & Savannah.
Nothing can ever prepare you for the death of your children. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through. Last week we were going to buy their cribs once we found out the sex, instead we picked out their casket & burial place. We had their service on March 3.
It just doesn't seem fair, especially all that it took to get pregnant with the girls, but I know God has a plan for us. We will continue to trust in Him to give us peace and guide us.
I will forever treasure the 5 months I had the girls, especially the 3 weeks I got to feel them kick, roll, and squirm around in my belly. The hospital took photos of the girls, their hands, and their feet. I am so thankful for that. We also got to see and kiss them one last time the day of the funeral. Gentry looks just like me, but has her daddy's toes. Savannah looks like her daddy, but has my feet. They were absolutely perfect & beautiful.
I miss them everyday and will always carry them with me.

My last belly photo, taken the day I went into labor (so thankful something told me to take this picture).

5 comments:

  1. I'm so very sorry. You were and are such a good, loving mommy to Gentry and Savannah. Their Easter bunny and butterflies are are so sweet and heartbreaking.

    I found you through the Still Standing link-up.
    We lost a baby at 10 weeks. We named our baby Jordan.

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    1. Thank you so much, Jennifer. I just read your latest post, it is beautiful.

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    2. Ashley just found your blog and I'm reading through your journey. I'm so sorry you lost your sweet girls!! I understand the pain you are feeling!! I am praying for you as the holidays are approaching. ~Melissa

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing your story of your babies on our link up today. Honoring your babies along with you today!

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is beautiful. Thank you for joining us in this special link up. xoxo

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