Marty and I are still trying to decide what our next step is going to be to try to have another baby. We are both leaning towards using a gestational surrogate, but it would take the right person (and having the funds). I want to be pregnant again, but I'm just not sure I can do it again for my mental sanity. Six to seven months of bed rest is a long time to be in the bed and home alone all day. I was a bit of a control freak last pregnancy with my eating habits, activities, or anything else I thought could harm the girls. I imagine it would only be worse if I have all that time at home by myself. I'm afraid I would become my own worst enemy. In the end it would be totally worth it, I just don't want to drive myself crazy. Aside from the bed rest, I just don't know that I could survive another loss. There is the possibility that my cervix could fail even with the stitch. I just don't know that I could pick myself back up if that were to happen again.
I know I have mentioned how much I hate trying to make decisions. Especially such life altering ones. All I know is I want another baby, my Georgia Kate or my Benton Thomas. After our FET in June I bought the Georgia print below for our future daughter's room. It has the lyrics to "Georgia on My Mind" printed in a shape of the state of Georgia. I have heard the song a hundred times, but when I saw this it instantly had me in tears. I was seeing those words on the print as my love letter to my future baby & motivation.
"Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you
I said Georgia, oh Georgia
No peace I find (peace I find)
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind (Georgia on my mind)"
I dream of one day holding my Georgia (or Benton), and that dream is what keeps me on this road to trying to become a mommy. We may not how we will have another baby, but I feel in my heart he/she will one day be here in my arms.