Friday, August 31, 2012

Georgia on My Mind

Marty and I are still trying to decide what our next step is going to be to try to have another baby. We are both leaning towards using a gestational surrogate, but it would take the right person (and having the funds). I want to be pregnant again, but I'm just not sure I can do it again for my mental sanity. Six to seven months of bed rest is a long time to be in the bed and home alone all day. I was a bit of a control freak last pregnancy with my eating habits, activities, or anything else I thought could harm the girls. I imagine it would only be worse if I have all that time at home by myself. I'm afraid I would become my own worst enemy. In the end it would be totally worth it, I just don't want to drive myself crazy. Aside from the bed rest, I just don't know that I could survive another loss. There is the possibility that my cervix could fail even with the stitch. I just don't know that I could pick myself back up if that were to happen again.

I know I have mentioned how much I hate trying to make decisions. Especially such life altering ones. All I know is I want another baby, my Georgia Kate or my Benton Thomas. After our FET in June I bought the Georgia print below for our future daughter's room. It has the lyrics to "Georgia on My Mind" printed in a shape of the state of Georgia. I have heard the song a hundred times, but when I saw this it instantly had me in tears. I was seeing those words on the print as my love letter to my future baby & motivation.
"Still in peaceful dreams I see
The road leads back to you

I said Georgia, oh Georgia
No peace I find (peace I find)
Just an old sweet song
Keeps Georgia on my mind (Georgia on my mind)"

I dream of one day holding my Georgia (or Benton), and that dream is what keeps me on this road to trying to become a mommy. We may not how we will have another baby, but I feel in my heart he/she will one day be here in my arms.

2 comments:

  1. what a sweet georgia print! new follower here and have been so touched by your story. i am heartbroken for you over your loss. i am also a gestational surro and on my 3rd journey. good luck to you both and God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello, I am new to your blog. I haven't dealt with an incompetent cervix but have a few blog friends that have struggled with it to bring a baby home. I do know what it is like to struggle to get pregnant, didn't have to do IVF but Clomid, PCOS, and otehr issues got in the way of making it easy. I also know what it is like to go through loss as I have know lost my second baby my daughter due to a uterine rupture. My husband and I are working on having a baby now with the help of a gestational carrier because it is very risky for me to get prego again. I see you wrote about considering a gestational carrier. If you ever want to talk to someone about it I would love to share with you what I have learned so far. I am not very far into the journey yet bet have learned a lot. We also have a carrier. I understand your concern with having the right person. I feel the same way. The cost is also crazy but I can share with you a little more on that if you would like because the cost can be way expensive, but I am finding it can be not as bad as thought as well. I think it really depends on a lot of factors. Anyway this is getting long enough but if you want more info let me know.
    Sorry about the loss of your babies.
    I love the Georgia sign as well:)

    ReplyDelete