Skip to main content

FRAGILE: Do Not Break

So what does it mean to be the infertile girl at work who has had her IVF babies die, the one who is surrounded by pregnant women? It apparently means you have a sign over your head that says "FRAGILE: Do Not Break". In other words, it means they tiptoe around you while you live with a daily hell. And now, they are trying to plan work baby showers around me - on days they know I won't be in the office. How does that make me feel? It makes me feel like crap. I only found out because someone told me, otherwise it is all being done behind my back. Which makes me feel even worse. I just can't explain it. If I was invited would I go? Probably not, but I don't want to be tip toed around. One of the ones who is pregnant admitted a few weeks ago that she purposely avoids me because she doesn't want to have to walk on egg shells around me. Am I that fragile that everyone feels this way? Apparently so.

Comments

  1. BeckySeptember 4, 2012 at 9:22 PM

    I get all of what you just wrote here. I hate it so much as well. Not that it makes it right but what I have learned is that it isn't always so much that they are afraid of hurting you it is that they don't know how to handle what's happened and its easier on them to just avoid anything that involves you. It sucks and it makes me so angry. It's like yes people it is going to hurt me to see you pregnant, and hear of baby showers, and so on, but you know what really sucks, my life these days, now that sucks, and you all keeping seeking secrets from me and ignoring me just makes me feel even more sad and alone. I hope people at your get better and are more understanding. I only have 1 real person I can talk to at my work about everything, and the crazy thing is that she just had a baby shortly after I lost my daughter, but we can talk and laugh because she doesn't make things all weird, but she knows I am hurting and respects that.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Finalization Day

Finalization day was so special for us, so we invited along one of my dearest friends who is also a photographer to capture the day. This friend has been there for us every step of the way, not only as a friend but also capturing our special moments. When the judge announced that he granted the adoption and name change to be officially Benton, I about lost it. That is until Benton let out the cutest squeal of excitement. I think he was excited it was official as well!  These pictures were too cute not to share. So, here are a few from finalization day!
1 comment
Read more

Baby Sully

Fifteen days after my last blog post, you know the one 10 months ago, we were supposed to have a call with our adoption agency to hit pause and take a break. After 3 failed matches we needed time to heal before jumping back in. That day, November 14,  I was at work when our social worker's number popped up on my phone. I was in the middle of a work project so thought I would just call her back later. I was putting off having the call to go inactive as long as possible. Because as much as we needed to heal, my heart also broke at the thought of missing out on the baby that was meant to be ours. Less than 10 minutes later the agency number popped up, so I decided to answer and let them know we could chat later in the day. I was not expecting the words on the other end of the phone. "Ashley, we have a healthy baby boy who was born two days ago. He is ready to be discharged from the hospital, and his birth mom has chosen you to be his parents. If you want to proceed you need t
3 comments
Read more

Gone

Well guys, 8 weeks we were matched this time. But now we are back to being a waiting family. I honestly don't know where to start with this one. The last few days have been a whirlwind. On Tuesday (5 days ago) the birth mom texted that she was having contractions and going to the hospital. Being 28 weeks pregnant, I assumed it was Braxton Hicks. Not long after that text, less than hour, our agency called. I assumed they were just telling me the same news. Instead they were telling me they were going to send over the records from the birth mom's last two appointments, but also that there was a note on the records about there being a pregnancy complication related to the baby being at high risk for a lifelong disability/disabilities. The agency said to hold tight until she could get back to the doctor and go under more testing. Less than hour after that called, the birth mom's mom called me and said they couldn't stop contractions and she was dilated 7cm. Baby was com
4 comments
Read more