Tuesday, September 4, 2012

FRAGILE: Do Not Break

So what does it mean to be the infertile girl at work who has had her IVF babies die, the one who is surrounded by pregnant women? It apparently means you have a sign over your head that says "FRAGILE: Do Not Break". In other words, it means they tiptoe around you while you live with a daily hell. And now, they are trying to plan work baby showers around me - on days they know I won't be in the office. How does that make me feel? It makes me feel like crap. I only found out because someone told me, otherwise it is all being done behind my back. Which makes me feel even worse. I just can't explain it. If I was invited would I go? Probably not, but I don't want to be tip toed around. One of the ones who is pregnant admitted a few weeks ago that she purposely avoids me because she doesn't want to have to walk on egg shells around me. Am I that fragile that everyone feels this way? Apparently so.

1 comment:

  1. I get all of what you just wrote here. I hate it so much as well. Not that it makes it right but what I have learned is that it isn't always so much that they are afraid of hurting you it is that they don't know how to handle what's happened and its easier on them to just avoid anything that involves you. It sucks and it makes me so angry. It's like yes people it is going to hurt me to see you pregnant, and hear of baby showers, and so on, but you know what really sucks, my life these days, now that sucks, and you all keeping seeking secrets from me and ignoring me just makes me feel even more sad and alone. I hope people at your get better and are more understanding. I only have 1 real person I can talk to at my work about everything, and the crazy thing is that she just had a baby shortly after I lost my daughter, but we can talk and laugh because she doesn't make things all weird, but she knows I am hurting and respects that.