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Pros & Cons

I have really been in no rush to make a decision in our next step, but as the bellies around me grow larger, it it starting to tug at my heart.

I don't think I have ever mentioned this, but the day after the girls were born, one of my cousins offered to carry a baby (or babies) for us. She didn't come to me directly, but I got word through her mom and another cousin. At the time, it never seemed like an option I would really consider. But, as time went on, it started to open to the option. I told her I wanted to see how our second transfer went (the one in June) before I really wanted to discuss it.

We have recently been talking about it - I outlined the standard FET protocol at my doctor's office, medications, injections, etc just to see if it was something she really wanted to dedicate herself to. I don't know that everyone realizes how emotionally and physically involved an IVF cycle can be. She has agreed that she would be willing to be a pin cushion for a few months, and her husband was on board. Yay! I still don't know what she wants to be compensated, which will be a factor in our decision making, but she said she isn't look to get rich off of the opportunity.

If we were to move forward and use her as a gestational carrier, we would be able to transfer two embryos which could increase our chances of a pregnancy. (For those not familiar, I can only transfer one due to incompetent cervix) But, she is 11 years older than me, so I don't know if younger with less embryos or older with more embryos would give us a better success rate. (I plan to ask my doctor) I think my sanity is likely to be more stable if we used her. Like I said before, 28 weeks of bed rest is a lot of time for your mind to play tricks on you. The one downside would not having the emotional & physical connection to potential baby or babies like I had with Savannah & Gentry. From the time I found I was pregnant, I was already in love and in mommy mode. There was nothing like feeling them move in me. It brought me so much joy, and I just loved having a pregnant belly.(People like to remind me this is because I never made it the "miserable" point in pregnancy). I know these are not important things in the long run, but still something to consider.

Both options have pros and cons; I just don't know which outweighs the other. Does anyone have words of wisdom?


  1. I love the connection you make with your baby when you are pregnant and then being able to feel them move is even more wonderful. That is the one thing that makes me so sad about using a gestational carrier. I just keep telling myself that it is the best route to go for now since I too would have to be put on hospital bed rest and my baby would need a early delivery for fear of another rupture.
    I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you. I too bounce between the pros and cons for my given situation. It's tough. But I am glad to hear that if you choose to go the carrier route that you have a cousin willing to carry for you. We had some family offer, but they were unable to.

  2. I came here because you are now following my blog and there are now tears for you and your sweet husband. I am so painfully sorry for the loss you have endured. We lost one sweet girl and I cannot imagine the pain of losing two. My tears are for you today and the sweet babies that are now running and playing in heaven. I saw in one post that you said that you know that God has a plan and oh my you could not be more right about that. God has a huge plan and you hold onto that! We are over 13 months out from the death of our daughter and we see his plan more and more each and every single day! I am listening to a song called Healing is in Your Hands and I hope you believe that. Healing is in God's hands and I pray that he is healing you and your husband more and more each day...May God GREATLY bless you and your family...

    Elle's Mommy


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