Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Am I Crazy?

For some reason,  I have been a mess the last few days. I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown at any moment on any given day. On Sunday we went to the cemetery to visit the girls, and I lost it there. Marty was referring to our girls as "our pumpkins". I have always called them that to myself because their transfer took place on Halloween last year. But there was something about him calling them pumpkins that had me in full on sobbing. Not unusual, at least it was an appropriate location for a breakdown. Yesterday our company CFO sent me an email, nothing bad, but just the tone sent me over the edge. Not normal. Last week we were talking about all of the things that need to be done while one of my friends/co-worker is out on maternity leave (could be any day now), and I just started laughing and it turned in to crying. Also not normal. I'm not sure if it's stress, impending births of friends' babies, hormones, grief, or a mix of all, but I feel like a CRAZY person! I don't like it. I was really feeling good after we came back from San Francisco, but now I feel like I am slowly making my way back to that depressed, dark place.

2 comments:

  1. you're not crazy. you are grieving. and i am praying for you.

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  2. I agree with one faux mommy... you are not crazy! I am almost 2 years out from the loss of my daughter and I was still up half the night last night in tears. It's just how strong a mother's love is. It's both our burden and our privileged to bare!

    xoxox

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