I know some people just don't know what to say to me any more, but some really need to get a clue. This happens more with the infertility side of things than the loss. Let me just tell you how it makes me feel when people tell me to "relax" or ask "have you thought about adopting?'. Seriously, you think after 2.5 years of trying to get pregnant, 2 IVF cycles, and 2 angel babies later those two thoughts have never crossed my mind? Gee, what novel concepts. I know I shouldn't get worked up over it, but I do. Marty always has to remind me that they are just trying to help. In my opinion, these type of phrases need go under "if you don't have anything nice to say" rule.
You know, we have thought about adoption, and we would both like to pursue that one day. But, now is not the time. As it is, IVF happens to be a more affordable option. Because we have the frozen embryos, it is only $3800 per cycle. Yes, we have already spent about $20,000 between the two attempts. But, adoption can be double that. And, aside from the costs, we just know that we aren't ready to start the adoption process. Marty and I still hold on to the hope of having a (or a few) biological child. If we use all of our frozen embryos and never have one, that will be ok, but right now we can't just walk away from 5 Grade A (at the time they were frozen) embryos. If we had done the first cycle and not had any to freeze, we probably would have moved on to adoption. But, I can't just leave my frozen potential babies and not go back to them. Yes, I may be slightly emotionally attached to them. Is that weird? Possibly.
I have even had people ask if we have ever really tried on our own. I mean, what?! Do you think we just said, hey let's go to a fertility doctor to try to have a baby because that has to be easier than having sex? Because what man doesn't want to ejaculate in to a cup with a male nurse waiting outside the door as opposed to having sex with his wife. And, because you know I just love giving myself injections. The answer is yes, we have tried. I have tried putting my feet on the headboard after sex. I have done everything short of standing on my head for an hour trying to help out Marty's sperm. I have pumped myself full of artificial hormones. We have tried.
Some people just don't get it. Period.