Turns out the home pregnancy test was right, I'm not pregnant. Our IVF cycle failed. I can't even describe everything I am feeling right now. I am heartbroken, confused, angry, sad . . . I'm not sure why God keeps denying me the opportunity to have a child to hold & love. I hate my body for failing Gentry & Savannah and not being able to get pregnant naturally. I can't quit crying. It's not fair. I am surrounded by pregnant people expecting their second & third children. I just want ONE, why does it have to be so hard?! I will never have these answers, but I can't quit asking the questions.
Fifteen days after my last blog post, you know the one 10 months ago, we were supposed to have a call with our adoption agency to hit pause and take a break. After 3 failed matches we needed time to heal before jumping back in. That day, November 14, I was at work when our social worker's number popped up on my phone. I was in the middle of a work project so thought I would just call her back later. I was putting off having the call to go inactive as long as possible. Because as much as we needed to heal, my heart also broke at the thought of missing out on the baby that was meant to be ours. Less than 10 minutes later the agency number popped up, so I decided to answer and let them know we could chat later in the day. I was not expecting the words on the other end of the phone. "Ashley, we have a healthy baby boy who was born two days ago. He is ready to be discharged from the hospital, and his birth mom has chosen you to be his parents. If you want to proceed you need t
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